


What is this thing?

by My_Alter_Ego



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, POV First Person, a Mozzie adaptation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26729005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Alter_Ego/pseuds/My_Alter_Ego
Summary: Thanks to Mozzie, it seems that R2D2 has a cousin living in June’s home.
Relationships: Neal Caffrey & Mozzie, Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	What is this thing?

“What is this … _thing_ , and where did you get it?” I ask Mozzie, who has just returned from Philadelphia because of something arcane about the Liberty Bell. However, my friend hadn’t come home alone; it seems that he has brought a friend. Standing in June’s vestibule is a tall, narrow, rectangular gray contraption, towering well over my six-foot frame. It’s sort of anthropomorphic because it has two big googly eyes, but any arms or feet are absent. It’s tooling around on wheels hidden under its bottom platform while a steady beeping sound is being emitted.

“This is Marty,” Mozzie says breezily.

“Well, I’d shake his hand, if he had any hands,” I play along. “What exactly is his purpose besides looking intrusive as he ambles through June’s parlor?”

“He’s going to be our very own fuzz buster,” Mozzie says proudly.

When I look completely at sea, Mozzie fills in some background material. “I was amazed to discover that Pennsylvania is quite progressive in many areas. A certain large grocery chain has borrowed a page out of the _Star Wars_ playbook by utilizing these robots in their establishments. A whole army of Martys roll along the food aisles in various stores to detect spills that need to be mopped up and empty shelves that need to be restocked. They run on a heavy-duty lithium battery that is recharged each night. I became enamored and was farsighted enough to envision their other potential.”

“So, you stole one?” I ask unnecessarily.

“I _appropriated_ one for re-tooling,” Mozzie says with a bit of an affronted attitude. “Because he’s quite tall, I actually had to use a hearse to bring him back to New York.”

“Okay, I get the picture. Exactly what is re-programed Marty going to do?”

“Why, he’s going to alert us when he detects any incoming Suits. It’s really quite annoying when your handler feels like he can just swoop in anytime he gets an itch. Sometimes, we’re in the midst of doing something that he shouldn’t see.”

I sigh and hope June or her household staff aren’t going to be too creeped out. I needn’t have worried. After just a day or two, they regard Marty as just a large version of a Roomba.

One Sunday morning, Mozzie and I are working out the finer aspects of a caper. Unfortunately, both of us have forgotten to plug Marty back in for a charge so that he could perform his due diligence. Peter plowed through the door with a perplexed look on his face. Thankfully, he was distracted enough not to notice the museum architectural plans spread out on the table.

Like a bit of deja vu, I hear a dumbfounded FBI Agent repeat my own words back to me regarding what is snoozing in June’s parlor: “What is that … _thing_ , and where did you get it?”

**Author's Note:**

> End Note: Here’s a YouTube link that you can paste into your browser so you can see Marty in action.  
> https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=you+tube+of+marty+robot&&view=detail&mid=54536F46ECCE1B80AEF854536F46ECCE1B80AEF8&&FORM=VDRVRV


End file.
